About Motherhood and Letting Go

Finding joy amidst grief, we explore the journey of motherhood across generations and the legacy we leave behind. This Mother's Day conversation shifts from processing loss to embracing the continuing purpose of a mother's heart.

• Processing grief after losing a mother differs from other losses – less desperate grief but a lingering heaviness
• Distance and life circumstances can strain mother-child relationships, but compassion and understanding often come with age
• The perfectionist pressure of motherhood can be released through recognizing that fierce love matters more than perfection
• Motherhood feels endless when children are young, but looking back reveals how quickly the seasons pass
• The "empty nest" isn't the end of purpose – God transitions women into new seasons of meaningful work
• Mother's Day isn't about receiving accolades but continuing to bless children and grandchildren
• Each child is divinely formed, and each mother is perfectly designed to raise her specific children

Remember that your motherhood journey is supposed to be a little wild. God formed you perfectly to raise your children exactly as they're meant to be. Trust Him with each season.

Chapters

• 0:50 Processing grief after mother's passing
• 3:11 Victoria's relationship with her mother
• 7:26 Raising children and church challenges
• 11:20 Legacy and praying for generations
• 17:44 Purpose continues beyond empty nest
• 21:38 Mother's Day wisdom and closing prayer

Transcript

Denise Jackson: 0:30

Okay, girls, mother's Day is approaching and it just seemed like an appropriate time to talk about mothers. I am back with one of my favorite women to have conversations with. It's Victoria Bowers, welcome.

Denise Jackson: 0:48

I'm so happy to be here. So this morning I just well, let me just let you all know as an audience that my mom died in January. She was 89 years old, and so I've been going through this season of you know, God says that we don't grieve as people who don't know him, and that's true. I have not been falling on the floor bawling him, and that's true. I have not been falling on the floor bawling, and I kind of was well, I mean, I was and angry and shouting when I barely knew the father when my brother died several years ago.

Denise Jackson: 1:24

But with mom it was just so different. I was like I was happy that she was with the father, but there was just a heaviness on me for the last few months and I didn't have a desire to do anything. I felt like my vision was really damped down. It was I wanted to sleep a lot.

Denise Jackson: 1:50

At the same time, I was having physical issues, which probably were even related to and manifested in my body because of this heaviness that I was experiencing because my mom wasn't in the earth anymore. And so you know that was a hard season, and now Mother's Day is coming up was a hard season, and now Mother's Day is coming up and thankfully, god has moved me from that and just reminded me of all the joy. All the joy, uh, through every season with my mom, and especially in her later days, I got so much from her, and so I'm just rejoicing in that right now and really thankful for my mother. So I just want you, victoria, to just like talk about your mom and just some of the seasons you've gone through. If you don't, mind.

Victoria Bowers: 2:44

Yeah Well, actually I would love to talk to you a little bit, If it's OK.

Denise Jackson: 2:49

It's great we're going to let the conversation go.

Victoria Bowers: 2:51

I love it Kind of about your mom. That's great, we're going to let the conversation go. I love it Kind of about your mom as far as, like, I remember my mom going through losing my grandma, her mom, and kind of you know, I think that's like where you were talking about and seeing firsthand where you work, where you've been at the past few months and stuff, and just walking with grace and maybe not feeling that deep grief but you know, knowing that you can't rush grief, and sometimes God just like just rest, just rest in me, which I feel like it's kind of where you've been the past couple of months but with mother kind of coming out of that. But with mother's day coming, like are there things that cause I love hearing about grandparents and passing things along and, you know, honoring them with mother's Day and even just like moving forward? Are there things that like come up for you with like honoring your mom even though she's not here, like things that you're doing?

Denise Jackson: 3:47

You know I feel like I have a lot of emotion because I was married at 16 and left my mom and I'm the oldest of six kids and we're pretty spread out. My baby sister was three when I was 16 when I left and that was a really hard thing. But it was a difficult relationship for many years because she was still raising children and I was nine hours away. Eventually I was nine hours away and so I didn't get a lot of my mom's time and at first it was a resentful thing. And also my children didn't get a lot of my mom's time and they resented it, you know, because it just didn't feel like they were valued. But she did. She just didn't have enough bandwidth to visit and take care of her children and you know, be everything. And so you know, like as I've gotten older, and especially because we moved closer to being near our moms, I've just gotten so much compassion and understanding for what she was trying to juggle and you know what she was going through. And when you said you know that your mom lost her mom, it brought that memory back to me.

Denise Jackson: 5:25

We moved to Laredo when I was 12. And not very long after that my grandmother, who I adored, died of a heart attack very young, early 60s, 64, I think and her death was like trauma in our family. I never had seen my mother just weep and sob and that's what she was doing. She was out of control, sobbing for her mom, and she had also left. My dad was in the navy. They had moved.

Denise Jackson: 6:03

They got married and moved to hawaii and so she'd been away from her mom when she had me and when she had my younger sister, my first younger sibling and then came back an hour away so she got to see her more.

Denise Jackson: 6:19

But they had just moved back to Laredo so that she could be with her mama and she lost her mama and they had a little season and I'm thankful for that. And I got a season in these last few years with my mom and I also got the gift of her blessing me and because I've been doing these videos, I videotaped her and she would just pour these words over me of how much she loved me and how proud she was of me and all of these things, and it really broke these offenses that I had held on to. That I didn't even realize, you know. So, yes, it's been a sad season to lose her. But I also have had that perspective of looking back and just seeing God in our relationship and how much she prayed for me and what an impact that had in my life and just rejoicing that I know where she is now.

Victoria Bowers: 7:21

Yeah, oh, I love that. You know, I think that I I joke I've always like been real close with my mom. But you know, you get older and you're like kind of heavier, especially those teenage years, and you kind of have an idea of how they're supposed to be. And then God gives you children or something similar to you, and you're like oh yeah, yeah, I'm so. I think God does it on purpose. So you kind of just come back and you're like oh, you have so much more understanding of like you know, where our moms were.

Denise Jackson: 7:56

You know, yeah, we put a lot of pedestal. I think you know this is, oh, mom's this, and then when we get out of there, it's like we see all the things that they did wrong, which I don't think is bad because, um, we're our children, we want our children to be better than us and, like you know, I have four children. They're all grown and they've already like almost raised their kids now and, um, you know, like I didn't know what the heck I was doing when I was their mother. The one thing I did know was I loved them ferociously and they would probably say, yeah, too ferociously, but I did. I loved them.

Denise Jackson: 8:38

I just loved that these creatures came to me and they were so wild and they were so strong and like, sometimes we would just and can, can still do that, but like, I love that about them, they are the most amazing people and they would, they, they, we.

Denise Jackson: 9:00

We raised them for a time, not their whole lives, but like for a time we were very involved in our church.

Denise Jackson: 9:11

For a time we were very involved in our church and teaching them the word and praising God, and then we went through a season of the church breaking up and that was very hard on our children as much as it was very hard on us. So they had those injuries too, along with their dad and I not doing everything perfectly for sure, but, yeah, my hope is that, and I've seen it everything perfectly for sure, but yeah, my hope is that and I've seen it that they knew they wanted to do things differently, but they knew that they were loved and that's the big thing that I wanted them to have and want for this Mother's Day. As they're transitioning to children leaving home and graduating soon from high school, if they're not already that they just know that, uh, their best is enough. I know that the best I could do at the time, which is what I wanted to do, was enough. It was just good now I do. When I was younger, I had the perfectionist.

Victoria Bowers: 10:03

I think a lot of moms have that I, we have so many really rich cover. I like any of our meetings that we have and they always go so much longer Cause we just I'm like, oh, I love hearing cause you're in a different season than where I'm at. Like I'm still, I have young kids my oldest is only nine and you know, so we're still in the thick of some late nights and living on softball fields and stuff at the season. But I love hearing because it has to be so beautiful. Like I envision what it'll be like when we have grandkids and those grandkids are grown and just watching that season.

Victoria Bowers: 10:42

And you know I always go back to like the legacy that we get to pass on. You know whether it's the and that goes beyond like I I'm not thinking about like worldly positions, but like what we get to pass on down to our kids and what would fill my cup up seeing my kids walk out as adults and as parents and as grandparents and things like that. So I'm curious, like what are things that the legacies that you would love to see go on?

Denise Jackson: 11:11

So faith, you know, just knowing that God is a very present help in their lives, that he's really holding them in the palm of His hands, that when they choose a way that is away from Him, they're never totally lost because he's running after them. So I want and it's hard in the world because everything they want, everything you know, to be tangible, to touch it. And it was the hardest thing for me when I was younger, and that's when I was advised and followed the wisdom of asking God to teach me to love him, so that I would really know him and know that he is this presence that never leaves me or forsakes me. So because of that, I have looked back.

Denise Jackson: 12:04

I've learned a lot about my grandmother, that one that died, and then her mother before her, and I'm writing a story. It's a lot of fiction, a lot of things that I feel like I would have done walking through those seasons and I can't possibly know. But I know some big things in her life and I know that she prayed for her third and fourth generation and when I knew that it became such an important theme in my life to pray for the third and fourth generation and that I tease the grandkids, because they're the third um, that um, if y'all will raise your kids up in the way of the Lord, then it'll go to my thousandth generation. So would you do that for me? Please do that for me. So, yeah, those are the things that I want to pass on, like when I'm gone and they will feel sad, they are not lost because who is in me is in them.

Denise Jackson: 13:10

I don't feel sad for a season, of course, but uh, but he's got a plan. You know, and I want them to know, we think of the earth as like oh, this is it, but it isn't. We were called. He called my name. I think it was Nisi that he calls um. He called my name. I think it was Nisi that he called. He called my name and said come on, it's time to go. That's what the scripture says, that's what his word says.

Denise Jackson: 13:38

That's the big, old, long ago book of remembrance that hasn't changed. It's still that amazing love story that God wrote to us and he wants us to write our stories. He sent me here and he sent me and my mom and he sculpted me exactly how I came out. All of this wildness, all of this like um freedom, especially as I've gotten older, more and more freedom he put in me and he did it for purpose, and I am on mission right now and it's so short.

Denise Jackson: 14:18

Like I remember being three and I remember being five and I remember being 12 and I remember being 30 and all along the way. You know, like all of these years, I'm 67. Like it's been a blink and it is been the best, most awesome ride, except when it wasn't, and even then I, he held me, and I have stuff to do before I go, and so do you. That's what I, I guess for Mother's Day, that's for my mother's heart, that's what I'm saying to my children, to my children's children, to the next generations, but also to you, victoria, and all these spirit daughters that God has given me in my old age, that I am very grateful for. You know, just remember, you're just on a mission. It'll be a blink of time and we will be together in a different place. That we don't remember right now, but we will when we get there, because we've already been there.

Victoria Bowers: 15:21

I love it so much. I'm just loving because I'm like I just these are just like the conversations that we have. And when you're saying like you're on a mission and it's so fast, I was just having that conversation. I'm like it's so fast, like I'm looking at how quickly the years go by with my kids, I'm sitting there and I'm going like, oh, my goodness, and six more years, like my daughter's going to be needing a car and I'm like how are we here? Like this is crazy and it just it goes so fast.

Victoria Bowers: 15:49

But you know, when you're saying like you're on a mission and talking about the legacy that we get to leave our kids and stuff, I think one of the biggest things for myself that God keeps showing me over and over is like there's so many things that I want to do and there's so many you know like, and I love being part of projects that I am a part of. But then God's always just like and if you do nothing else except be my daughter and impart all of this and pour into your kids, and that's like who you are is like mom. Is that enough? Because that's the biggest calling that I have is to be mom and wife and I think for a while I kind of started to feel like you know, all the outside the world tells you you got to be this and that and this and I love, I love doing all of the things that I get to do because it's so fun and but I'm like there's nothing that beats the feeling of just being mom.

Denise Jackson: 16:41

I feel that way too. We've had these conversations like I don't want young women to sacrifice that time, like I don't want young women to sacrifice that time it goes. So you said that on the last conversation that Nathan was going to be deployed for three more years, and you look back and that three years flew by. In the middle of it, it felt like it would never end, but then it was over, and now you look back and it was just like a blip in your life, and I feel like I can see all those blips. I loved raising my children.

Denise Jackson: 17:14

I do want to say, though, that there's more to your purpose after your children grow up, because a lot of women and I have a daughter that's going to experience that this next year empty nest. That is such a lie, really. I mean, of course, you feel like wait, oh, my baby's gone, but God doesn't miss a beat in taking us to another place, another season. That's great. Don't rush it. That's what I have. A woman tell me I was going to miss out in life if I didn't work hard while my kids were growing up, and in my spirit, I just refused that, and I'm thankful, because, gosh, I just didn't have enough time loving on them and being able to just be in their presence as young kids. But afterwards was wonderful too, and it's still wonderful.

Denise Jackson: 18:14

You know, I'm not. I love being with my grandkids, but I don't just sit in that space waiting on them to pay attention to me. I have work to do that God has given me. That's good. I have work to do that God has given me. That's good, and all of us do, until the day that we go back to him.

Denise Jackson: 18:38

And so you don't have to fear when you're not mothering every single day, but take the opportunity when you get the chance to have them one-on-one or really spending time with you, to share your heart with them and let them know you're thinking about them when you're not with them in unobtrusive ways, because, oh my gosh, I could go off on mothering adult children, but they don't really kind of want you to be meddling or talking in their life. But it doesn't hurt when God prompts you to send them verses to tell them you're thinking about them, to tell them you're proud of them and the good things that they're doing in their life. Like Mother's Day is not about somebody telling you you're a great mother. It's about a day to remind you to just continue to bless your children and your children's children, and their children's children, and those people that have been brought into your lives to bless as children.

Denise Jackson: 19:39

I think that's an important thing.

Victoria Bowers: 19:41

I love that. I love that. I know everyone, I think, has a different view of what Mother's Day is, and I think you just said it so perfectly, because that's exactly how I feel.

Denise Jackson: 19:51

So maybe this is a good time for us to wrap up this session, and so, victoria, I would love you to give us a little wisdom for these ladies that they can take with them, and then I'll pray, and then we'll close. Okay, perfect.

Victoria Bowers: 20:09

So obviously, like I'm still in the young season, but I'm speaking to the mamas that are there, because that's where I'm at and I just God constantly shows me over and over again that motherhood is supposed to be a little wild and it is supposed to just be like God made us. Give us so much grace and to just those little moments, just soak them up as much as you can and just live in the beauty of each beautiful child's like their own individual personality. I know that's so hard to say, but just to lean into that and that, knowing that God formed you perfectly to raise that kid exactly who they're supposed to be, and so that that's where God keeps showing me.

Denise Jackson: 20:57

Oh, praise God, that's good, that's good, okay. So, father, wow, what a morning in conversation with my friend Victoria. A morning in conversation with my friend Victoria. You hold us both, and all of the women that are listening to this today, in the palm of your hand. You keep us safe. You gave us mothers and fathers for purpose. You knew that both were needed, and if there's a woman out there that didn't experience that, I know that you are enough to fill the emptiness, to fill the holes where they didn't get what they needed, to heal the hurts.

Denise Jackson: 21:41

Father, I ask for that healing to pour out on them today. I thank you for your word that says you pulled us out of the pit of nothingness, of that pit of destruction, and you put all of our sins behind us. There's nothing we could have done to offend you and you love us so much. All we have to do is turn to you. And then you finished that statement saying you healed all of our diseases.

Denise Jackson: 22:12

And, father, I know that these diseases are things that get into our heart and then stoniness forms around those places in our heart and it's so hard to let go. But I know you can take that piece in every woman's heart today and remove it and replace it with a heart of flesh, and you can show them your love that is greater than any obstacle that they're facing today, and you, I know, can tear down the stone poles, and so I just trust you to do that for every woman, for every woman that's had children or hasn't had children either one. You love them perfectly and completely, and we just bless them today in the name of jesus. Amen, okay, amen, oh, very good, girls, have a great day.