Rooted & Rising: Growth from the Greenhouse

About How Two Foster Moms Built Faithful Community

• E's Greenhouse • Season 1 • Episode 26

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What if the friend you’ve been praying for is waiting on the other side of a plan you almost canceled? That’s where our story begins: two foster moms, a quiet resource center, and a nudge that turned loneliness into a lifeline. We trace the path from isolation to real community and talk honestly about what it takes to keep going when the work of fostering feels anything but rewarding.

We open up about our “why”—one of us adopted as an infant and later called deeper on a mission trip, the other moved by serving at an orphanage and learning to wait for unity in marriage. We explore how faith confirmations, counseling with trusted leaders, and time brought our husbands onto the same page. Then we get practical about the hard parts: trauma behaviors that stack on normal kid chaos, visit schedules that can trigger setbacks, and the days when it feels like nothing you do lands. Expect frank talk about safety, burnout, and how to make decisions that honor both conviction and capacity.

What keeps us steady? Scripture woven into everyday moments and a “book of remembrance” that catalogs answered prayers when our memories are short. We share the verses that cut through fear and spiral, the weekly rhythms that make support tangible, and simple habits for choosing joy on days when joy feels like a stretch. If you’re considering fostering, already in the thick of it, or just craving deeper friendship, this conversation offers hope with clear eyes and practical takeaways.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more women find these stories. Your voice helps build the community we’re all seeking.

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SPEAKER_02:

Hey girls, we're so excited that you joined us today for Rooted and Rising Growth from the Greenhouse. I have two guests today. I am so excited to have Katie Hakey and Kristen. You already know Kristen Tai. Tabai. Tai Bai. I never pronounce it right. And she's part of my arm. Like I need her so much. But I'm just so glad to have y'all today. And we're going to be talking about friendship. And it's a big deal for women to know that they have one another. Women who will not tear them down, but build them up in the Lord is such a gift. And so often in my life, Lee and I would move and I would pray for a friend. And thank God he always heard my prayer. Not in exactly the time that I wanted, but it was so good when it happened. And so now I have two friends that they also found each other. Uh, and let's talk about that story. So, Katie, I just am so glad you're here. And you were just telling me the story about you and Kristen and how you were uh wanting friends. So, can you talk us more to us about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00:

So I had been going through about one year of fostering. This was my first year fostering, and also becoming a stay-at-home mom. I used to have a full-time job teaching special education, and so I was used to being around people a lot, not used to being at home yet. Um, and then we were placed with a sibling group. Um, they were seven, four, and three, and our three-year-old was not potty trained, and so I realized it was time for me to come home and be a full full-time stay-at-home mom. But I was lacking community, really struggling, felt really lonely. It was a big adjustment, and I went to a foster village event hoping to meet a foster mom, and I showed up and there was no one. I felt like I was gonna cry. I was fighting out my god, I need a friend. And I was there for about an hour, and then Kristen showed up.

SPEAKER_01:

It was amazing that I even came because I had plans to do something completely different. And my foster kiddo was like, Can we go to foster village today? And probably about 10 minutes before that, I wondered if I should go there. But then I was like, no, I really want to check out this new play place, so we're gonna do that. But then, because of my foster daughter asking to go there, I was just like, you know, maybe God is directing me to go to foster village instead of going to this new play play place that I wanted to check out. So I told her, yeah, let's go. And I was not expecting anyone to be there. The reason why I didn't want to go originally was because no one is usually there. So I actually was planning, no one's gonna be there. I'm gonna bring my laptop and I'll just, you know, work while I'm there and do some things. I get there, and sure enough, there was Fadie there. But I'm I'm also kind of like a more timid person. So it's just kind of like, okay, well, that's cool. She's here. I'm not even gonna get on my laptop. I'm gonna play with the kids and maybe somehow we'll start talking. And thankfully, you were brave enough to like come start the conversation. And then her, what was it, your mother-in-law?

SPEAKER_00:

My mother-in-law showed up because I was like, no one's here, I'm by myself. Do you want to come hang out with her?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's happy.

SPEAKER_00:

And so she showed up, and that was actually perfect timing because then the kids were occupied playing with her, and that actually gave us a chance to talk. Talk about kids. Oh, yeah. Just need so much attention. So it was perfect timing. Otherwise, I don't think we would have gotten to talk too much. Yeah. So that was even a provision. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Definitely a connection. We we both felt the same way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's awesome. Yeah. And it's so good because, like, God, He He told you both that something was gonna happen, but then your faith was dwindling because it had been a while.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You were not paying attention as closely because you were thinking you had better ideas. But he used, he doesn't stop there. It's not like he says it once. Like, I love that he talks to us and he does talk to us, but he doesn't talk to us just once. Yeah, he says it again and again. He says it through other people. Yeah, I thought it was below my kid out. And then your mother-in-law, I love that piece because that was right. That is like the extra, the icing, and that's what I feel like. He gives us icing on the cupcake. He doesn't just give us the cupcake. Yeah, he wants us to be full, full of joy, and we can trust in that. Well, so uh then now you meet like regularly so that you just can connect.

SPEAKER_01:

Another amazing thing about Katie when I was talking to her the very first time was she was talking about God and like meeting how she met her husband and like how that was God. And I'm like, oh cool, I'm a Christian too. So it was really great. Like we connected, like personality level got really connected on that, but then on top of that, our faith. Yeah, like that was so really cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Because you can encourage each other daily. And he says, iron sharpens iron, it's not just for men. We sharpen each other when we're with each other. When we start getting like depressed and discouraged about something going on in our life, and we have a friend that says, Look, God has a plan for you. Yeah, He is working on your behalf, He has enabled you to be strong and only strong and courageous and not fear, so that you can raise these kids up in the way of the Lord so you can have great relationships with your husbands, so you can have these friendships. It encourages us and it gets us through those hard times. And so, you know, we really that it it that is a gift. Father, thank you for that gift. And I'm praying right now for those of you that are out there that don't have a friend, don't give up, continue to ask. You know, that verb in um the Greek is ask, ask, ask, ask, seek, seek, seek, seek, find, find, find. That's how the door is opened, is you just don't stop. It's a continuous verb, and we are not supposed to stop seeking God for whatever our heart needs. He wants us to get that, he wants us to be stable in him, and that includes having friendships. He was the one that said, it's not good to be by yourself.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so I want to hear what made you decide to be a foster parent? Because that's a big step. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, well, part of my the reason we got into foster to adopt is because of my own story. I'm adopted. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Okay, keep going. Yeah, so the story is I'm adopted and I was it was when I was a baby and I was left at a doorstep in the freezing cold in Queens, New York. Oh my god. So it was wasn't December? Yeah, so it's freezing during that time of the year, much different than Texas. But whose doorstep were you left? I you don't even know. So that's that's part of the reason why I it's been on my heart, is because of my own story. But then I think on top of that, um, when I became born again, I went on a mission trip. And which I didn't know when I went on the mission trip that there was gonna be an orphanage that you would go visit. And and so when I went to the orphanage and I was also chosen to do what was called a teen talk. And I didn't know when I did the teen talk of telling them about my testimony that I would be talking to the kids in the orphanage. And so I was just like, wow, this is amazing. Like I'm adopted and I'm talking to these kids who are in an orphanage, and I feel like you know, all my life I've thought about, well, maybe one day I'll adopt because of my own story. But when I was born again and went on that mission trip, I felt like God put a fire in me to be like, I want to do this one day. So like it became like more concrete that this is I do want to foster and adopt.

SPEAKER_02:

Why did Jared decide to do like you do?

SPEAKER_01:

I think his was more like he knows what the scripture says about adoption and how special it is to God.

SPEAKER_02:

That we're adopted, yeah. Yes, Christ coming, all of us are.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's that, and then on top of that, like God kept confirming it to him over and over again that this is the path that he has for us. Like I says his will. So there's numerous like little details of God confirming it to my husband. So I feel like by the scripture and by just the conviction of the Holy Spirit, yes, that he's like, Yeah, we gotta do this. Like that's so good. That's so good.

SPEAKER_00:

What about you, Katie? I have an actually pretty similar story, which is kind of funny. I went on a mission strip to Jamaica and we volunteered at an orphanage there, and my heart really went out to those kids. I was like, I can't wait until I'm old enough to like be able to do something. Like, I really want to adopt my own kids. Fostering wasn't really on my radar. I didn't really know about fostering. Um, I had only been exposed to adoption. I have some cousins who are adopted. So, like, I that was part of my life um for sure. And then um basically my husband and I met we started dating. I had talked with them earlier on. I'm like, hey, this is something that I really want to do. I really want to adopt. So fast with that with our relationship going forward is that something you're really to do. And he wasn't really open to it, and so I was kind of thinking that our relationship probably wouldn't work out. I didn't know. And then um, we just continued to get plugged into our church, and we became a part of a um group there where the leaders of the foster adopt group or foster adoption, I guess like promoting that at our church, they were in that group, and there were like three other foster families. So we became a part of that group and basically got plugged into the foster community, and then Trey also kept hearing, my husband kept hearing words from God about moving into foster. Well, and this is back when we were dating. Yeah. Um, and so fast forward, here we are, we've had like multiple confirmations of like this is what we're supposed to be doing, and and now we're in a place where we're both on the same page with that. But towards the beginning of our relationship, that was not anything that was on his radar.

SPEAKER_02:

So I love that too, because that's you know, God brings people along at different times, especially like husbands and wives. And this isn't related to fostering or raising kids, it's just like our relationship with each other. Yeah, um, sometimes we especially I feel like women, we want our husbands to get with the program. But our husbands are built so differently than us, and they are strong-willed, and they and we want them that way because God has made them mighty to be our priest and king, to be our shield in the earth, not to keep us from anything, but to enable us in all these ways. And it just, I feel like sometimes it takes them a we are more sensitive, more emotional, so we respond to faith in God. And I'm not saying every woman, but I think a lot of women respond to God and respond to faith so much more easily. But then when guys get it, when Lee Jackson got a hold of God, he has hung on for dear life and he has just grown so much in him, and and that's a story I'm hearing from your husbands, which is just so good for us. Yeah, it's such a blessing. Yeah. So, what else about fostering would you like to tell uh other women if they're considering fostering or they'll not in the middle of it, or even just raising their own kids and going through some their own biological kids and uh going through some stuff? How would you encourage or counsel them at this point in your journal?

SPEAKER_01:

I would say if you're in the middle of it, or if you're thinking of doing it, I feel like this applies to both, so I'll say that is that it is really hard. And I think a lot of people don't understand that, like, yes, kids will be kids and kids will have their behaviors. However, with fostering, um, you have kids being kids, but on top of that, you also have behaviors because of trauma. And some of those behaviors are because of the history that they've they've gone through, their past that they've gone through. Um, so you're not just dealing with kid behavior, but you're dealing with trauma behavior. And so if you're in the middle of it, I understand how it feels. So if you're somebody who is thinking about it, I feel like that is something to just be aware of. Yeah. Because I feel like when I started, I did not realize the trauma behaviors that can be attached to this. God is helping me so much in it, and I would say that I'm still doing what I'm doing by the grace of God. Otherwise, there's times that I wanted to give up. And right now we're in the middle of a hard season, and oh, how did my husband word it today? He said, um, oh, it doesn't feel rewarding right now. And so you can't rely on it feeling rewarding to keep going. I rely on God and God alone to keep going because right now it's not feeling rewarding. And that's just the honest truth. And I feel like people need to know the honest truth. Yeah, so they know what to expect when they get into it.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and both of you felt like you had a call from God. That too. And so, you know, I I mean, there are a lot of foster kids out there, so my heart just is that if there is something in you that thinks, oh, maybe I was supposed to be a foster parent, I believe you should be praying about it because these kids need somebody that's willing to stand in the gap for you and fight for their futures and the promises that God has for their lives. And these two ladies I know are doing that for these kids. They are changing their lives. Even if they foster and have to let them go, um, they have made a huge impact in the life of those children for the rest of their days because they have planted God in their spirits again. They've refreshed the spirit of God in them. So, yeah, it is hard. I mean, I watch this one go through it, and it has been uh, you know, it's a challenge every day. And I felt like just being a mom of four kids was challenging. But she's right, the trauma is is so huge, and you hurt for it, but you also know that you have to teach them so that they don't continue to live letting that trauma affect their relationships, their attitudes, their life. Again, I prayed that God would just quicken in your spirit if this is something that He wants for you to do, because there is a big need, but don't go into it with your eyes closed. Go into it with your eyes wide open, knowing that God will strengthen you to stand on those days when it's so hard to stand. Okay, Peggy, you want to add something to this?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm thinking similar things. Um, basically, that it's a daily dying to self. Um, and it's not gonna be easy, but it is a daily choice. And whether you're a mom of biological kids or fostering or adopting, you need to choose to die to self. And then we've even been encouraged just in our conversations, talking about how like our lives are a living sacrifice, and also that aroma is pleasing to God. And so just putting that in perspective, like, man, it's so hard to like do the dishes and clean the toilet and then deal with yelling at me, and nobody even appreciates it. And it's hard, but it's it's for God. Yeah, you know, it's for the kids, but it's also like this is what God called me to. I'm going to be obedient, but also encouraging with the community piece, like it's important for you and your spouse to be on the same page. Yeah. Um, we got to a point where behaviors were so violent with our oldest kid that we didn't think we would be able to keep him in our home. And I've been a special education teacher, so I've taught so many students, dealt with so many behaviors, but this got to the point of like, God, I can't, I can't, I physically can't keep them safe. I can't do this anymore. I need your help. And my husband and I have been discussing, like, do we have him go to another home and try to keep the younger two? Yeah. And um, he was like, no, like, we need to do this. And long story short, there are a lot of complicated things with visits with parents, and that stirred up a lot of like violence and just unrest in our kids. But visits ended up stopping that same week, and behaviors didn't change completely, but they became more manageable. And so God really came through in that, and I'm glad that we didn't jump the gun to be like, Well, we can't do this, like it's hard to be hard. Like, but past the point of what I thought I could even handle, and God provided. But he provided encouragement for my husband because if my husband was still in the place that he had been before, like, yeah, and wasn't convicted by God and sure that this is what we were supposed to do, like we would have we would have been done. Yeah, and he encouraged me in that point, even though I had more of the vision for fostering and adopting to keep pushing. I love that story. Sorry, that's amazing. Are there moments of joy? Um, I would say so. It's I mean, it's taken a while. Like it started off, it was just full chaos. Yeah, you know, it's like, okay, we're gonna keep making this choice, we're gonna keep making our teens, but now we're finally at a point where like we're able to do fun family things together, and we really enjoy that. But it's actually funny because our our family, like, I don't know, redirection is is this a joyful choice? Like, we're in we've been encouraging them with a voice or with the verse, a joyful heart is good medicine. Like our kids, like, we can tell like when their hearts are getting heavy and when they're making bad choices, they get spiral, like they spiral into this place where they're yelling and kicking and screaming, and they physically start like feeling sick and getting very, very worked up. Like one of our kids even actually throws up, like it gets really mad. Oh gosh, that's so good. So, this verse has been impactful. Like a joyful heart is good medicine. Like, let's think about changing this around and making joyful choices because when we make joyful choices, like we can have a joyful day, but yeah, we can also choose choices that like follow a broken spirit, and we're gonna feel that in our bodies. Like, I love that the choices that we're making make a difference.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that too.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so we encourage our channeling to make joyful choices, and we can have a joyful day or not. But like each of us are individually making choices to try to have a joyful day. Yeah, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

I have to say, I always love the scriptures that you bring into like when you're teaching your kids like how do you bring the word of God into it. I feel like I'm always learning from her. Like I would sometimes at our Bible study that we have, I'm like writing down, like, oh, that's good. I gotta write that down. And when I talk to my kids, I want to talk to them about the scriptures, like bringing God into it. Like, not just talk about God, but like bring his word of God into like our talks.

SPEAKER_02:

With my grandchildren, you know, they experience issues in every area of their lives, and some more than others, some have had trauma in their lives. Uh, but early on, when they were young, I felt like this verse, God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind was so hugely impactful. And now my grandchildren pretty much are grown, they're like y'all, y'all's ages. Yeah. And they know that verse and they say it, it comes out of their mouth all the time. Fear is Satan's best weapon to destroy. And like you're talking about the sick at their stomach and all of these signs of fear just paralyzing and hurting people. Uh, the best medicine is to speak the word of God in those situations, and Satan has to flee. And that's what you guys are doing. Y'all are on the front of the battle, on the front line, but you're not alone. Uh, your banner is Dove Visi. He is in that fight with you, and he will not let you go. Yeah. It's really, you know, it's it's amazing what you guys are doing, and I'm thankful to get to know you guys and um just tell you that I love you and I'm here if you need me. Yeah. I love it. Kristen comes over and you come over, bring the kids. It's a fun thing for the kids to come here, and uh it blesses me, and I get to speak words over them too.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's actually really cool. When I remember one of the first times we met um, one of the things that she has that she struggles with is fear. And you spoke that verse of the one she was quoted. Yes, that um, and I remember thinking, like, wow, that's so cool. She said that verse, and like I really feel like she needs that because she struggles with fear so much, and that's something I'm like, I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_02:

There's a specific verse for your daughter in uh the Bible, which I'm not gonna say out loud just so we can keep her name out of it. But yeah, it was I feel like that was pretty powerful over her too. And I say it every single time because uh she's worth something to God. Yeah, her name wasn't an accident, and he was telling her that you know, you search and search and search, and you find um your daughter, and so she said, and he sent you in to you and Jared to be her rescuers to show her her value. Yeah, and uh like I love that so much because I've seen such a change. And I know, you know, the thing about joy that I I want you guys to remember is like you can have 10 joyful moments during the day and then one hard, horrible moment, and it feels like it stole all the joy, but he didn't. You guys remember the joy because God wants us to have that book of remembrance to carry us through to the next day.

SPEAKER_01:

Something next day. That's where I'm finding the joy is the book and remembrance. And actually, this podcast like happened at a really good time because I was like, I need to go through my journal and just like look through like my fostering stuff and just refresh my memory because I don't know what we're gonna talk about. So when I was doing that though, I was going through my book of remembrance, and I was like reminded of the way God has worked in in this and has encouraged me and just all the things, and I'm like, I really needed that, like I really needed to go through my journal. That's why we tried to I felt a lot of joy from from that. So, like I sometimes I'm not finding the joy always in parenting, but I am finding joy in many other ways, and that's one of them going through the book of remembrance, remembering like you like meeting up with you once a week is a joy because it reminds me that God put you in my life and like you're a fostering, you're a Christian, like and I am, we're on the same page in like so many different things. And I'm like, this is like you are just a huge blessing, like you both are for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Before we end, I would really love it if you have a word for for the girls. Uh no matter what season they're in their life, something you've just learned that you'd like to share with them that would encourage them.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think kind of going back to where we started, like keep seeking community. It took a while before I met Kristen, and I had to really put myself out there to like go to events or go to things. And it was hard as a foster mom bringing my kids out when you never knew like what behaviors were gonna be happening, and it was difficult, but I'm really thankful God provided. So keep seeking community, don't give up. It's easy to stay home, but like keep praying for friendship and because it's gonna be encouraging, and God doesn't want us to be isolated. Um, so find community, keep keep pressing forward for community.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, I guess my advice would be yeah, to keep praying. What like whatever it is you're going through life and you're looking for guidance for, like God can guide you and God can encourage you in the way that he wants for you, and you just need to be watchful of how he might be guiding you and not to fear because if he's guiding it, there's nothing to fear. You know, if he's with you, there's nothing to fear. He will encourage you in the way you should go, he will encourage your husband in the way he should go, and then he will guide you throughout the whole entire process.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. So sometimes we just have to, when we've done all to stand, you know, we've looked in his word, we've encouraged ourselves in the word, we've praised him, we've loved him, and we're still seeking, and we haven't quite gotten there. We haven't gotten the answer that we want. Then we stand. When we've done all to stand, we stand. So, Father God, I just ask you for these women that are listening today, Father, we know that friendship is so important. Uh, it is strengthening to us in our walk and encouraging. So if they're lonely today, Father, I just speak uh friendship over them, life, good friends, your women binding together and praying together uh and loving you, Father. So just bring the right people into their lives, bring best friends because best friends matter. And uh you can share your heart with them. So, Father, I just pray for those women that are lonely today for that. And then I also pray that you would open the doors wide to people that are willing to step into the ugly trauma of these children and would be willing to foster them to help them grow in the way of the Lord. So when they're old, they don't depart from it, and that they know that they were sent for purpose and that every broken piece can be healed and their lives can be something so wonderful. Uh, just like Kristen, I just love that story, Father, that that this little baby became such a mighty woman of God, and I'm so grateful for their friendship, both of those ladies' friendships today. So we just bless our friends. Father, uh, we're just so glad that you're here with us today. Okay, girls, yay, yay. We have done another conversation. We hope you're joining us. We hope you share this with uh your community because somebody out there may need to hear this message today. Uh, if you're somebody that has a story that you want to have a conversation with me about, let me know because we're talking to a hundred women this year, and I think we're up to 28. I'm I'm not positive about that number, but I think it's 28. And so we have a few more to go before the end of the year, right? So you're one of those women that's listening and God's pricking your heart that maybe your stories would help other women, let me know. Okay, talk to you soon.

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Denise Jackson

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