Rooted & Rising: Growth from the Greenhouse

About Forgiveness That Frees The Heart

• E's Greenhouse • Season 1 • Episode 27

Share episode

What if the grudge you’re gripping is the very thing closing your life to joy? We open this conversation with the raw truth of offense and the slow work of forgiveness, then follow a breathtaking story of rescue and adoption that shows how grace meets us on the coldest nights. A newborn left on a Queens doorstep. A family who boxed up the crib after years of waiting. The phone call that changed everything. When the hospital shade lifted and a tiny face appeared, the nurses whispered, the survivor is leaving—and a home that had been emptied in surrender filled back up with hope.

From there, we map the terrain of real life: miscarriages and divorce, a stepson’s heroin addiction, and the shock of trusted work falling through. Pain tries to turn hearts to stone. We talk about how to ask God for a heart of flesh, why praying for those who hurt you weakens bitterness, and how choosing joy at work becomes a daily rebellion against despair. The shift is practical and spiritual: name the offense, release the debt, and let love back in without pretending the past didn’t happen.

You’ll also hear why ordering love—putting God first—doesn’t shrink affection for family; it deepens it. When God is first, forgiveness comes quicker, boundaries hold, and hope outlasts the storm. We share the courage of fostering, the beauty and risk of loving for a season, and how anyone can support children and families in the thick of it. Threaded through it all is timing—often last-minute, always precise—reminding us that surrender makes room for miracles.

If your heart feels heavy or hard, this is a warm hand back to tenderness, purpose, and peace. Press play to hear a survivor’s beginning, a mother’s yes, and a path from offense to freedom. If the story moves you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review to help more people find their way back to joy.

We love to hear from you! Send us a text

SPEAKER_01:

Hey girls! Welcome to Reading and Rising Growth from the Greenhouse. I'm Denise Jackson. Karen Stovash is Kristen Tabies. Mom, and if you listened to one of our last videos together, you know, there's several with me and Kristen. I heard for the first time that she was in Doctor. And she told a little bit about that hard story. So today we're gonna talk a little bit about that. But first I'd like Karen to introduce herself and just tell us how she did decide that she needed Jesus, that she needed God in her life.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, in our lives, you know, there were many bridges that get to the tough bridges. Uh-huh. Maybe broken bridges, as we could say. And um, I went was working at Trader Joe's at the time. And also Chris and Jared were also a big part because they were you sharing and using the Lord to me. So many of my customers, you know, always came and they have families, and we talk about it where they were going and what they were doing. And, you know, it was just amazing the people I met that were so spiritually involved and helped me to get mended.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. So one Sunday, which I don't have Sundays off, said, Hey, would you like to come to uh the uh farm church? And it was in our neighborhood, that's what it was called the farm church. I'm like, yeah, sure. And I always talked about Kristen Jarry. They were like, well, invite them too. And we all went to the farm church one Sunday. Yes. And it was just wonderful. And all the things, how it helped me to mend my heart, mend my heart to others that I was hurt and angry about. Yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So fences that we just hold on to. And they hurt us. Like they hurt us so much more than they even those other people. They mag bothered them, but I know what it does to me when I hold on to the fence.

SPEAKER_03:

And Kristen and Jeremy showed me at one time about how angry you could be at somebody. You just have to forgive them because there's one place you want to go.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You want to go.

SPEAKER_01:

No, but we want to go to heaven. We want the Lord to be in our lives and our relationships.

SPEAKER_03:

And that that took a while.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But now, yeah, I do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, sometimes forgiveness is a process. Yeah. But like if God sees that you're working on it, you know, like He'll help you.

SPEAKER_01:

So, like, I you know, I was thinking about that this last week. Even though I forgave, even though I said, okay, it's okay. You know, I said those words, there were still places in my heart that had become hard where I wouldn't let somebody do that to me again. And you know, God in the Old Testament talks about uh that your hearts have become like stone. And I and that really became like reality to me just a few weeks ago. That yeah, there were places where I had said, no, nobody's gonna go there. But he says that he will give us a heart of flesh for a heart of stone, and I think we have to ask him for that. He doesn't do it, he's not a rude God, he he wants us to know that it's for our good that he wants to do this for us. And when we ask, he gives us. He gives freely. That's what it says. Yeah. So I feel like that's like something. I mean, you know, I'm 67. And you know, I'm still that's why I'm still here, I think. Yeah, because I'm still having to learn these things and to share them with you guys so that maybe you can let go of the stomach areas in your heart and just receive this heart of flesh again and let it belong to God. And then if somebody does try to hurt you again, it's just different. Because then you turn it over to God and you usually, oh now, the hardest people that used to just so make me feel bad about myself and offend me. Right, now I'm praying, I'm praying. Please, Lord, show them your glory and send librars to a harvest, you know. Because yeah, pray for your enemies or no, the thing that feels what's weird is that as he's changing my heart, it doesn't even feel like they're like enemies. I know who my enemy is, and he is in the heavenlies, he's always coming after us. He has all these mechanisms to use. We were talking earlier about your stepson who has a heroin or had a heroin addiction and how horrible that is. Like our lives are not like they're they're just stolen. They're stolen away from us during the season until we can find a way out. We can find the strength, and I believe it's gotta be through God.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I believe that because it's when I was working at Trade Joe's one Sunday, busy Sunday, I'm in demo, and I had just met this couple, you know, giving out samples. Yes. And he said he was a preacher, and then they came from earring, and then they left. They go, Okay, have a nice day, and we're talking. And then it comes back. He goes, You've seen the end of the tunnel. There's something over your head. You know, oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

And I you just I told I told Chris in that story, like you just knew, like, wow, I don't know this gentleman, but something made him just happened, and he had to come back to me. Praise God. Yes, praise God. So when people hear from others, sometimes they reject that and that's okay. But then later, like you think, oh, wow, even then God was chasing after me. Even then he left the 99 for me. Is that yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I remember I know I cried a time. And I told Kristen that story where I'm like, what happened to me? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00:

I remember that because I was during the beginning of you starting to question about who Jesus is. And I was praying for you, and I remember for that was like an answered prayer. I'm sure I have it in my journal saying Yeah, like, oh my gosh, my mom!

SPEAKER_01:

So I wanted to tell you that um one of the significant things you said, and we're gonna talk about, I'd really like you just to repeat what you know about your birth, but um, one of the things that touched me from that was about the newspaper and how Jared saw the truth of that. In my book about Bridget, my great-grandmother, that I'm writing, I there's a scene where they're out there in Chicago, two little girls alone in the freezing cold. And what they do is they put newspapers into their clothes, crunched up newspapers to stay warm.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, wow.

SPEAKER_01:

So it was insulating them so then when you told me that, I was like, Yeah, oh my gosh, I'm so glad Jared wisdom to tell you that. Okay, so now you tell us that story real quickly, just of what you remember. Even though you've seen it before, if you've seen our previous podcasts, um, I feel like this is such a huge story of God ordering, he called her, he called Krista before she is born. And he knit her together in her um original mom's womb. Biological, yeah. Biological mom's womb. Because he had a point in sending her to the earth. One of them is for me. Um but but it wasn't an easy beginning. It wasn't an easy beginning. And so talk to us about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, well, I was left at a doorstep in the freezing cold in December with uh in Queens, New York. You have been slowly filling in the details, and one of the things that I found out was that I was in a garbage bag, a newspaper, left at a random person's doorstep. And by the grace of God, they found me just in time before I was frozen, basically.

SPEAKER_03:

They always went out for the newspaper every night, and they left earlier because it was so cold.

SPEAKER_00:

It was so cold, they left earlier. So, like God was just like in the details of them leaving earlier than normally. Otherwise, if I was out there any longer, I probably would have died. Oh, yes. So, um, by the grace of God, I'm still alive and was adopted by this wonderful lady right here.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, we're gonna hear about that too. Um, but she was like, you know, it was a big story because that didn't happen every day. And so even then, God was making Kristen famous. Because he uses us, he uses our lives, he uses our stories. You know, my stories come from being a pregnant teenager, which was my failure to follow God's laws. But even then, he redeemed that and he uses that in my life and the lives of people that I'm willing to share that with. Y'all, all y'all. Um, yeah, he uses it because he really does, he's in the redemption business.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And so when when she's gone through that at such a young age, and then has such an impact on my life right now, I'm like taking notice. I'm taking notice. Wow. That's a really good thing. So is it the newspaper? And then now I want you to go back a little bit, and you have three sons.

SPEAKER_03:

I have three sons. I love children. I probably could have had like the little woman in the shoe.

SPEAKER_01:

And y'all know what to do. I don't do it, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, but um, I couldn't have children after that. After my last son decided to be able to do it. And you've had lost some children. I've lost some children in between each of my boys, which, you know, so I had had to make a decision, you know, not to have children. And my husband was like, oh no, she's not gonna go through this uh operation. So we talked about it and talked about it, and we said, well, the only way that we're gonna try again is to try to adopt a little girl. And it was really something we went on for quite a while. You know, we had a room for her, we had a crib for the longest of time, and uh, it was the holidays, and we were on the holidays, and I said, you know, it's it's just not gonna happen. And I shouldn't, yeah, I shouldn't take this room away from the boys. You know, there are three boys, there's cars drops, and it was supposed to be their playing room. So we took everything down, the crib, the bassinet, put them upstairs, put the boys' toys down, the toy chest, they were happy, they were playing. And then the next day, I get a phone call. Would you like to view a baby? No, I just want to pick her up. And now in the interim, I was very I was such an advocate. Every time there was a baby in the newspaper, I would call my source. Hey, there's a baby, Karen. We we can't. They'll bring the baby to us. We'll call you.

SPEAKER_00:

How long were you waiting, by the way?

SPEAKER_03:

It had to be two and a half years.

SPEAKER_00:

So you were waiting without a baby for two and a half years. That was the I didn't know how long you were waiting. And now I see why you wanted to give up.

SPEAKER_01:

And how old was she when you got her? Five weeks. She was left on the doorstep. You called your social worker and said, Oh, I want that baby, but you the social worker said, No, you you want something. Not this baby. Oh, all the other babies before.

SPEAKER_03:

All these she has all these other babies. Okay. We all had the flu.

SPEAKER_00:

So she saw all these other babies in the newspaper would call the social worker. But I remember you told me I was in the newspaper, but you never saw mine. Right. Oh, I see because you were sick.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, I see. Yeah, that's what it was Thanksgiving. Yeah. And like I said, we all had the flu, so who? I couldn't.

SPEAKER_00:

So you missed that newspaper of me, never called, surrendered it, basically.

SPEAKER_01:

And they got moved and they just put the crib up, did everything set up. Okay, I guess it's not gonna happen. Right, yeah, right. And you know, I I don't know, one of these days we'll be able to let ask him. But he really does, like often when I really have a prayer need, it's the last minute that he answers. But he always answers, but it's the last minute. And I'm just like, could I do this? But maybe it's because faith he does a lot of work on us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Whoa, whoa, wait, wrestling for that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's it. Thank you. I need to learn that. I'm still trying to learn. Everyone's always trying to learn.

SPEAKER_03:

It's hard to do it. It is hard moving hard. But so now, uh, you know, days go by and all of a sudden I saw work. She goes, Jesus, see the baby. I'm like, Arlene, we've all been so sick. Now, well, I have a baby. I'm like, what? And this is the next day's night. And you know, back then it was this cell phones or anything. I'm like, she goes, Do you want a viewer? I'm like, I don't want a viewer. She's like, Don't do something. No, tell me what time, when, where, we will be there. And of course, there wasn't cell phones, so I couldn't get a hold of my husband. Called my mom local myself. We were all so excited. How did you get a hold of death? Well, I called the company. Oh, and they knew where he was because they, you know, you had runs, so they had someone go out because everybody went. We were looking for a baby.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you know that this is so significant because two and a half years she was waiting. So all through your biological mom's pregnancy, yeah. She was waiting and hoping. And even to your birth, she's waiting and hoping just the day before. She just said, okay, it's not gonna happen. You're such a surprise! I just love that.

SPEAKER_02:

It was so I love that scene.

SPEAKER_03:

It was so terrible. I married Aunt Morgan Uncle Peter, and they're like, Oh, sorry. No, you just put everything. I'm like, it's okay. They're there are miracles, we're gonna do this. Because I had to go pick you up then the next day. Yeah. Oh wow. So um, you know, my sister-in-law, my mom-in law was a seamstress. She was, and we had not told the boys yet. Oh, wow. Because we were so afraid of anything. Yeah, changing, a changing, yeah, of changes. So, you know, everybody was at school. My mom-in law was at the house selling the bassinet together for you. Yeah. Um, dad's cousins came. We all put up the bassinet at the crib.

SPEAKER_01:

It was wonderful though. Look at the welcome, too. Just the preparation, just when when they knew it was you were coming because you put everything away. It was like it was prepared just for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, yeah. That was kind of neat. It was. We went to pick her up the hospital, uh-huh. And they go, okay, walk three windows to the left. I was on the left-hand side. I remember it vividly, okay? And the shade is gonna go up. I tell her this story. The shade's gonna go up. And um, the shade went up, and there she was.

unknown:

Her little face.

SPEAKER_03:

It was so little face. And she was no no bigger than a second. I mean, she went from here to there.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03:

No exaggeration. Oh, that's amazing. So we're we're waiting and we take her home, and I hear uh the nurses and the nuns say, the hope child is leaving, the survivor is leaving. Oh, wow. During the interim of, you know, of the preparation of not only bringing Kristen home and fostering her, she had different names. Each time.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like each social worker had a different name for me. So my paperwork has like different names that they call it.

SPEAKER_03:

Like different birthdays, and it's very interesting.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, because they don't know my exact birthday, it's just a guess.

SPEAKER_03:

But I do know her exact birthday to myself. Yes, which we celebrate. Yeah, the second day.

SPEAKER_01:

That's when she came home to you. That's when she came home to me. Oh wow, yeah. I'm so happy that you did. Yeah, and I'm so happy you came today. So that we could visit about this. It's awesome. So you have had like a super hard life. You you've gone through some stuff. You you we've already talked about you lost a lot of babies, which we've talked about a little bit before off camera, that how heartbreaking that is. And and it's like because you know that baby is a baby, yeah. And you lose that life and you go through the grieving, especially if you're the mom. Um, but you also left you you and your husband were divorced. And um, that was because of some hard things. Yes. Yes. Um, and then you remarried.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

And this husband had a son that was addicted to heroin. And so you've really gone through your life, and then work. This, you know, you worked for a long time for the same boss who said, I will always take care of you, and then he let you go. And I mean, all these heartbreaks, heartbreaks, heartbreaks through your life, and then you found the Lord. How's that like, what what does that how does that change?

SPEAKER_03:

How do you think? It changes so much because even in your hardest days, you know somehow, somehow, sometimes it's gonna get better. And also, I when I walk into work, I don't walk in like I walk in like, good morning, everybody, you know, and being the joy. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

Not really, because I think it's harder not to be holding on to stuff makes the job hard, it makes the day go longer. When you go in with joy, it you know, it really changes down.

SPEAKER_03:

And he showed me, like I I had told you guys, that even you know, what situation you're in where you're struggling, there's always the Lord to look to. Always someone to talk to.

SPEAKER_01:

He's right there, he's right there. It does make a difference. Like, you know, being married, uh, for a lot of years, I like held up we, you know, I said, God, you're God, but I didn't have a really close the relationship where I loved him with all my heart. Um, above everything else, above those children. That was one of the hardest things for me when I was young was like, I can't love God more than I love my kids. Right. Don't do anything to my kids, take care of my kids. You know, I remember making those deals, and really that's what he was asking me to do is love him more than my husband, than my children, than anything else in my life. And I'm stubborn, so it took a long time. But when I finally let go, it was like, oh, now I can love Lee more. And I can love my children more. But I can also, when there's an offense in our relationship, I don't hold that. I can let it go and know that okay, either I did something wrong and you're gonna show me how to make it better, or they will figure out what's going on in their lives, but I can leave it because you you're the one that's got them as much as you have me. So that's a really like great lesson. Oh, it was walking with the Lord to love the Lord your God.

SPEAKER_03:

It was, it really, really, truly was. It makes you so much more stronger.

SPEAKER_01:

So tell me about that. Like you said first, before you really had God in your life, you thought, I can do it, I'm strong enough. So um, tell me about how you felt about that. Like, how did you get yourself to be strong enough? What did what did you do?

SPEAKER_03:

You know what? It's so funny. A lot of people say, you're lucky, your kids are good. No, that wasn't luck, that was work in every way, you know, going to church or just making sure that they were taken care of and fed and homework and learn the right lessons, you know, what your friend wants. And then after they all gone to college, then you had to take care of yourself. And I knew that in order to keep on going, because you know, to fall is very hard to get back up sometimes.

SPEAKER_02:

Very good.

SPEAKER_03:

And you had to fall over. Exactly. Oh my god. So I I worked my way up to a you know being respected at my job, respected by my children again. Not that I now they I haven't walked, but now I'm a better person, a better mother.

SPEAKER_01:

That's good. You know, that's good. I mean, it's never too late for us to do that as long as you're still walking. Right. Right? Yes, yes, it's a gift, and I think it keeps us healthier. You know, when we're leaving. So um, I just think that this has been a really good conversation for you. Uh, if you have wherever you are in your life, whether your season is raising the sit your children in controlled chaos. Because look at this girl. I mean, she has she loves God and she's really made a difference in so many people's lives. She's uh a mom to some foster kids, which I never want to stop mentioning because there's so many. There's so many that need a mom to love them and a dad to love them, even if it's four season, and I know that's hard for your parents because you might lose them. But those kids just need to be loved. Um, so I really love knowing her. She's informed me more about that and just um um has uh made me want to just be more uh part of that world, especially with her girls and some other uh uh families that I'm close to. Also, when you go through hard times, through a long season of hard times, I I feel like Karen just is helping you guys to see that even then, because I believe even then the strength in Karen's heart was from the Lord, and then she realized it, and that freed her. And so wherever you are in your life right now, it could free you. You can get free from anything that Satan is trying to hold you down. Recognize it, recognize that you have an enemy and speak to those enemies in your life in the name of Jesus. Trust the Father, trust him, and choose Jesus to redeem you. And I know you can be set free. And um, you know, just uh note too that our older days we're the same day, yes, yeah. Um, I mean the same love. Yeah, it's crazy. We know that our later days, as he promised, are greater than our former days, and I'm looking forward to even later days. And one day, the best day when I jump in his lap, you jump in his lap, and we get to hug him and he hugs us and he walks away every tear. Yeah. Um, that's gonna be an amazing day in the beginning of eternity, and so that's what we want for you guys. We want that. And then if you have a story like Kristen's that she doesn't even really remember, that she's already famous, live up to that famous in this more than she is. Um, she's my producer, um, and she has done a phenomenal job at this podcast, and we both have been kind of learning together. Uh, she did it on her own for her own little podcast for a little while, and now my little podcast. And it's really an amazing gift that God gives you and timing, perfect timing, as Kristen said, perfect timing to save her life, perfect timing for Karen to get her as a daughter who she prayed for. And perfect timing for me now because she contributes so much to my life. You are like that too. He wove you, he wove you into this amazingly unique creation to show his glory in this earth. And we love you. So thank you again for joining Rooted and Rising, Rose from a greenhouse. Let me just pray. Um, Father God, I just ask you to bless everybody that's out there uh listening today. I ask that you send laborers to a harvest for their lives. If they're facing problems right now, mountains that seem like they can't be moved, uh, floods, fires. Father, I know that you are with them and you fight for them, and you are their strength when they are weak. So lift them up today and show them your glory and help them to trust you for the rest of their walk in the earth and shine your light in Jesus' name. Okay.

Head Shot

Denise Jackson

Host